Being Heard = Feeling Appreciated

How often do you get frustrated, and feel misunderstood? Usually it is because we are not feeling heard. It goes both ways. We want so much to be heard that we are busy pushing our point of view. Before you know it, boom, it’s an argument. This 3-step communication exercise is simple and can warm up even the most difficult conversations. Start with a simple topic. 1) Sit across from your partner, Decide who is listening, and who will speak. 2) The speaker picks a simple topic,, “What I really enjoy doing is…” (playing golf). Talk for 20-30 seconds only, and STOP. 3) The listener REFLECTS back to the speaker: “What I hear you saying is…” (repeat back just the content, nothing else. Check it out with your partner: did you hear the content right?). The listener VALIDATES: “That makes sense to me because…”(golf is what you love to do on Saturdays.). The listener EMPATHIZES: “I imagine you must feel…” (really happy when it’s time to go to the club, and satisfied when you get home).

This takes practice. Move to more difficult topics as you master the technique.