On Grieving, and Letting Go

When she was 30, Anna got clean and sober. Too many drinks and drugs, on the weekends, then daily. She tried many times before to quit. She could always stop, but days, weeks or months later she rationalized she could have “just one.” This time she was done. 

One day, months into her sobriety, she had a strange feeling. She was inexplicably sad, even tearful. Her heart ached.  She called her therapist and asked for a phone session. Anna couldn’t understand it. What was happening? She and her therapist went down a list of recent events. Nothing clicked. Then her therapist said, “did anything happen this time of year?” 

The lightbulb went on. “My birthday is next week,” Anna said “My mother tried to kill herself on my birthday when I was 13.” 

Throughout the years, Anna had brushed the event aside. No one talked about it. Her mother had survived, gone to an institution for several months, returned home, and nothing was said. 

As a 13 year old, the focus had been on her mother. Finally, Anna could grieve the event for herself. She no longer relied on self-medication. She was strong enough, and safe enough, to begin healing from this and many other difficult, hidden memories.